is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
