I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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