Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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