You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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