i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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