I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
