I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
