Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
