I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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