I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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