i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
