I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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