Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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