dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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