we're chasing vodka with high fives
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
