Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
