I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
