Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
