Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
someone owes me an orgasm
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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