I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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