i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I smell like Dick and happiness
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
