even my farts smell like vagina
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
