Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
