Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
