Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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