just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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