Plan B is the new Plan A
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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