nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
