we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
