There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
