Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
