NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
