oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
