Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
