is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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