'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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