U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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