"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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