Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
