The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dignity is for republicans.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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