I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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