I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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