I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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