If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
