also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
