even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
