you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
