I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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