New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
