Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
