everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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